i am still so weak

I thought I was strong, I thought  I had accepted but NO, i failed, I AM BACK on day 1, relapsed on friday night. Huge argument on  friday night with the boy. I could not handle all the feelings, the questions in my head so i drank. I did not use the right tools. Right now I feel so low, so ashamed! I am so lost right now! I realized one thing while I was drinking: the fear to be abandoned! To fear of being alone…. 

The after 100 day challenge

Let’s be honest, I feared the AFTER  100 days challenge. I am the sort of person that when I have an objective I stick to it (well most of the time). As the days passed my fear was growing. I have a lot of difficulties with the “never ever” touching a drop.  I know that alcohol is dangerous and that I will never be able to drink normally but I still…Anyway I wanted to share how I felt after the challenge:

–          I did not rush for a glass of wine to reward myself

–          I did not become a sport’s addict (I wish I had 😉 )

–          I still have some ups and downs

–          I still have emotional frustration

–          I still wish I could have one drink

BUT

–          I feel good and proud about myself. Waking up remembering all my nights is just PRICELESS

–          I don’t have this frustration anymore. When I go out I automatically order a Schweppes (Went to Berlin this week-end and discovered an AMAZING drink that is sold in every bar-nightclub-café: Club Mate, if you ever have the chance to try it, it s a great alternative  to soft drinks, much less sugar)

–          I discover this great sober blogging that helps me daily, reading all your stories is the best therapy I have had in years. I should try to post more often though

–          I picked up a hobby (thanks Belle), well a bit behind those days but I truly enjoy it. Think of actually taking photography class

So all in all my life with no booze not even one drink is  much better! Let’s hope it s stays like this forever.