i am still so weak

I thought I was strong, I thought  I had accepted but NO, i failed, I AM BACK on day 1, relapsed on friday night. Huge argument on  friday night with the boy. I could not handle all the feelings, the questions in my head so i drank. I did not use the right tools. Right now I feel so low, so ashamed! I am so lost right now! I realized one thing while I was drinking: the fear to be abandoned! To fear of being alone…. 


14 thoughts on “i am still so weak

  1. Aww Christina, don’t beat yourself up. I’m really sad to hear your news but I think it’s great that you’ve come on here so quickly, you’re dealing with it and moving on. You’re not really back to day 1 because you learnt a shit load of stuff during your last huge sober stint. I loved your post about how you felt after 100 days – you can get back to that place, promise. Do you listen to the bubble hour? Earlier this summer they did a really good podcast about coping with a relapse.
    Big hugs x

  2. It’s a journey, and this is merely a fork in the road. YOU get to choose where you go next. You are not alone and please don’t be to hard on yourself. Everything is going to be OK.

  3. You are stronger than you know.. Just being brave and honest here show to be so.. I am to back to day 5 after a long 30 sober days.. Ad the hard part for me is personal relationship stresses (my husband drinks a lot, a lot a lot!) it’s like a lesson learned.. Dust off and be kind and gentle to yourself… You can do this, it’s all for you…

  4. (((Christina)))
    Please don’t beat yourself up. We are not infallible. Try to learn something from this and move forward. The Bubble Hour is a podcast that the ladies from Crying Out Now produce.

  5. Thanks for for your post. Congrats on day one! For me it wasn’t about the strength but rather the acceptance. Once I accepted it, I was able to stop fighting it and move towards the solution! Keep trudging forward! Don’t give up before the miracle happens! – Maggie

  6. I too am back at day one, Christina 😦 Totally sucks. Let’s not beat ourselves up about this and just concentrate on today. I’m with you 100%

  7. Day 1 is better than no day at all. Hang in there! Don’t beat yourself up. All of that negative self talk is what drives us to drink. That is our alcoholism whispering sweetly to us. Don’t listen to it! Thinking about you:-)

  8. I think it great you came right back to it…some of us go back out and never return. don’t get too negative about this – you’re here now, aren’t you? We all had day 1’s…some multiple times. But there will always be that last day 1, right? 🙂

    Be kind to yourself.


  9. I admire you. I have had SO many Day 1s. I think it comes with the territory.
    You just realise again though, don’t you, how nothing alcohol is – it is nothing to your life, doesn’t enhance it, doesn’t make you better. Maybe you just needed to remind yourself.

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