This week-end…is it back to day 1?

It’s been a while I have not posted anything and being away from the sober blog is not a good idea! First I have to be honest with all of you, I drank some beer thinking it was a non-alcoholic beer.  I was at a music festival this week-end and I was super happy when I saw that they were serving non-alcoholic beer. I sometimes have one as an alternative to water or tonic water. So I asked the barmaid to be SURE it was with no alcohol, she said yes. So I drink the first sip and was like “wow Cardinal  does a great job with those beers it’s really tastes like a real one” , after the second sip I realized it was actually a real beer. I gave the rest to my brother and went back to water!  Felt guilty to have 2 sips but glad that I switched straight back to water. The things is I am glad I have been able to resist especially in situation where booze is all over the place! But I come to realize that I still have some issues with the forever ever.  To have a 100 days challenge is OK because you have a finish line but the forever is harder. I know it’s  One day at a time! But wolfie is still there and I am scared that one day the voice will be stronger. I can not go back to the guilt, the blackouts, the shame and so on! It is a constant battle! I constantly repeat to myself, that I CHOSE this path for a better life! And I have to respect it! One drink will never be possible for me! I accepted this! But it is hard…really hard!

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “This week-end…is it back to day 1?

  1. Thinking forever in itself is hard because we’re told so many times ‘nothing lasts forever’ … I had my day 1 yesterday again – not in the same way you did, but rather trying to pull myself out of the vicious cycle I fell back into of daily drinking… you are right – being away from the sober blogging world is NOT good. I need to be here more often to stay in the sober car.

  2. Oh god, hell no you’re not back to Day 1!! I had the same experience with a margarita and NO WAY did I consider it back to Day One as it was an accident outside my control – and yours. As someone said to me then, for NOT carrying on drinking it once you realised, if anything you deserve bonus days 🙂 I know what you mean about 100 versus forever. Coming up on 100 now that scares me slightly but one step at a time, hey? Keep reinforcing why this is the right choice for you now, today, probably tomorrow too… xx

    • Thanks Lily! When I feel like the voice is getting louder I try to do the list of all the things i hated while drinking! I have a little note book with me all the time with pages filled with lists. xxoo

      • That’s a great idea for positive reinforcement! You can do this. Get your ass back to the blogosphere and keep looking at that little book. And don’t forget to tally up the positive things being sober brings too. 🙂

  3. This happens now and then – the wrong drink picked up or handed out, etc. I don’t see it as a relapse or anything like that. As long as your intentions were clear and that you stopped drinking it when you realized it wasn’t NA beer.

    But most NA beers have 0.5% alcohol in them – so technically they aren’t non-alcoholic. My take on NA beers is that they are still beer. When I stopped for 6 months (many,many years ago), I drank NA beers and all NA versions of booze – wine, cocktails, etc. and realized later when I picked up again that I was trying to drink vicariously through these bevvies. For some of us it’s a slippery slope. I am not saying this to chastise – and I hope it doesn’t come across that way 🙂 I am just saying to be careful with the NA stuff. It’s often a little too close for comfort 🙂

    Blessings,
    Paul

  4. I am inspired by your strength! I am not sure I would have had the strength to switch back to water. Good job! I agree with Lilly and Paul. There is no way that should set you back to day one. Best-MJ

  5. Hi Christina – the SAME thing happened to me last night. I went to my favorite neighborhood Thai restaurant and they have an awesome ginger drink they make (na) I ordered one and took a sip out of the straw and realized it was LOADED with vodka. I set it aside and got another without vodka. I was sad that it happened, but knew I just needed to push past it. What I will say is I felt like the gate had been opened since that was the first sip of alcohol I’ve had in more than 115 days – shit. I was pretty close to ordering a glass of red wine, but I didn’t and I’m super grateful. Bravo to you! That was tough one. and nooooooooooooooooooo…… absolutely not another day 1.

    • Hi. Thanks for your comment. You know what…I also had that thought, oh well i had one sip I might just finished the glass. I m not proud of that thought but it s true and it was there. The most important is that I did not finish the glass! Anyway the voice is there and will always be there! Just find the strength to tell him to fuck off!

  6. In my opinion, we go back to day one when it was clear our intention was to drink alcohol. Check your motive. Check your heart. You know what your intentions were. You can’t fake you out. (Just like I can’t fake me out.) One day it won’t matter: Monday, Wednesday, July or March … It just won’t matter.

    On another note, I love the closing of your post. All I can think to say is “welcome to early sobriety … it sucks … but you never have to have a day one again …. get a permanent sobriety date and stick to it no matter what wolfie tells ya …. and he will rear his ugly head again … count on it.

    lisa

  7. It was a mistake, nothing more nothing less. You fixed it and moved on, no need to go back to day one. I can relate to what you said about getting to 100 days, that’s been an anxiety trigger for me so I have had to just switch it off when I start to go there otherwise I obsess.

    • Thanks. I do not know why do we obsess with arriving to 100. I mean we can make it to 100 we should be able to do 200…I think what makes it hard is the never ever…

      • Yep, that’s exactly where I get hung up….never ever. Then I think back and I know I don’t want to go there again. *sigh*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s