I have my worst drinking nights when I get frustrated, not happy about something: an interview that did not go well, a text message I never received, a half marathon I could not run. My desire to drink gets so strong that all the efforts for staying sober a few weeks/months just vanish because of a feeling I cannot control. THE DISAPPOINTMENT !! The last time it happened was a month ago, when I injured my knee and had to cancel my half marathon run. It really meant so much for me. I never was a big runner but I set that objective: run 21 km! I was training rigorously (actually never did so much sports in my life) but I started to have strong pain in my right knee, went to the doctor and he told me that if ran I would really injure my knee and it could have serious consequences. So….on the weekend I drank. The next day was just HELL! I FELT SO BAD AND DEPRESSED. Was it a solution, NO, did I feel better NOT AT ALL. I have to learn and control myself when things do not go in my direction. I need to canalize those negative feelings when they pop up.
Last Sunday was the marathon day, I did go to encourage my friend, I was happy for her because she did it, but I cried (behind my sunglasses) because I did not make it to the finish line.