Oh frustration when you come up!

I have my worst drinking nights when I get frustrated, not happy about something: an interview that did not go well, a text message I never received, a half marathon I could not run. My desire to drink gets so strong that all the efforts for staying sober a few weeks/months just vanish because of a feeling I cannot control. THE DISAPPOINTMENT !! The last time it happened was a month ago, when I injured my knee and had to cancel my half marathon run. It really meant so much for me. I never was a big runner but I set that objective: run 21 km! I was training rigorously (actually never did so much sports in my life) but I started to have strong pain in my right knee, went to the doctor and he told me that if ran I would really injure my knee and it could have serious consequences. So….on the weekend I drank. The next day was just HELL! I FELT SO BAD AND DEPRESSED. Was it a solution, NO, did I feel better NOT AT ALL. I have to learn and control myself when things do not go in my direction. I need to canalize those negative feelings when they pop up.

Last Sunday was the marathon day, I did go to encourage my friend, I was happy for her because she did it, but I cried (behind my sunglasses) because I did not make it to the finish line. 

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6 thoughts on “Oh frustration when you come up!

  1. My heart goes out to you. Being newly sober I have no great words of wisdom to share. Just know that I am here for you if you need me.

  2. I agree – frustration and feeling uncomfortable are the biggest triggers for me. I guess I just want to block things out. I feel like these days I can spot that thought loop coming, as in I recognise why I’m craving a drink, but it is still tricky to ignore…

    • The thing is finding a substitution, when frustration comes! Maybe having a hobby would help, canalizing this feeling on something else…I don’t know, still working on it…

  3. You are recognising your triggers and that’s half the battle. You got upset and you didn’t drink so that is a win! It might have been hard but you did it. There might not be a substitution for drinking over it. Maybe we just need to learn to be ok with feeling uncomfortable or not being perfect. That’s something I know I need to get used to, I can’t just keep busying myself away from my feelings.
    I hope your knee gets better x

    • Yes I am starting the recognize the triggers:-) but still so fragile because when frustrated my first thought goes to booze! You are so right we need to feel comfortable for feeling uncomfortable! xxoo

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