The first time I understood that alcohol was a problem, I was 6 years old. My mother is an alcoholic. She has been sober for 20 years now, thank god! We have an amazing mother and daughter relationship! This disease made us stronger that is for sure. Nevertheless it took some years of my youth and naiveté (I don’t know if this is english, my native language is french)! I remember bits of this dark period. How my mother would get up in the morning, as soon as my dad left, pick up a drink, get drunk until early afternoon then try to sober up before my father came back home. How many times did I pick her from the floor to put her in bed, checking every 30 mins if she was OK. She used to disappear for hours as I was waiting back home filled with anxiety, wondering if she would ever come back. I took care of my little brothers who were 2 and 5 at the time, protecting them of my mother’s illness. Still now, they don’t remember seeing my mum drunk. She got sober in summer 1994 after hitting rock bottom, my father had found her in a motel passed out. I will never know what was the conversation with my parents that afternoon but the next day she entered rehab and never touched a drop again. If I am opening up on that subject is that when I was 6 I told to myself that NEVER EVER i would touch a drop of alcohol! It was the source of fights, fear, anxiety, shame, loss of control and so on! But I did not keep that promise. When my drinking started to get out of control, I told my self: “I am just like my mum. that is my destiny, just accept it”. For a while I was mad at her, saying that it was HER fault that I had become like her. I was filled with anger and interrogation. Why me?filled with self-pity! You know what, self-pity does not make you move forward and is not helpful what so ever. My mum’s story is DIFFERENT from mine. I don’t need to follow her footsteps in this disease. It took me 5 years to be able to say and write this. I do have a high intolerance towards booze! I am allergic to it but at 29 years of age I don’t want alcohol to control me! If one day I have kids I don’t want them to live what I lived!